For as long as I can remember, I struggled with feeling that I wasn’t enough. More times than I can count, I felt like I simply wasn’t smart enough or pretty enough, or simply put, GOOD enough.
Feelings of inadequacy appeared in a myriad of areas of my life. In academia, it was the imposter syndrome that kept me from applying to certain scholarships. In corporate America, it’s when I’d hesitate to voice my differing opinion to more senior colleagues. And in relationships, it was evident in tolerating less than what I deserved. Whew!
After an AMAZING dating encounter, I found myself grappling with thoughts of inadequacy when things didn’t evolve into a relationship. I wondered if I was pretty enough to date or funny enough to be around. But the more I sat with my thoughts, I realized that it wasn’t so much that I didn’t feel like I was enough… I didn’t feel WORTHY of what could’ve been.
PAUSE.
There’s a difference between thinking you’re cute enough to date and thinking you’re worthy of being in a healthy, committed relationship.
Years spent accepting mediocrity and dating emotionally unavailable men led me to believe that I just wasn’t worthy of experiencing this unconditional, real love that I grew up seeing. Deep-rooted trauma made me feel unworthy of great experiences. I felt unworthy of being loved out loud; unworthy of committing to. Unworthy of being in a relationship where my body and mind were respected. Unworthy of spending time with when anxiety sends me spiraling. I wanted to feel worthy of being in a relationship where I was respected, honored AND adored. I soon realized that I spent more energy trying to base my worthiness on whether a man wanted to commit rather than focusing inward and providing myself with that validation. If we’re being honest, I was ALWAYS worthy. I just didn’t believe it.
For some people, feelings of unworthiness can look like refusing to invest in your appearance (clothes, makeup, etc.) or not allowing yourself to indulge in certain foods. For others, it’s self-sabotaging when you find yourself in a good situation, pushing people away when they show signs they deeply care for you, or not accepting compliments because you don’t feel deserving of them. Whatever the reason, I have written down seven affirmations below to remind you that you ARE worthy. Please note that affirmations aren’t the cure and you certainly can’t affirm your way out of trauma. However, I found affirmations to be helpful at challenging my negative thought patterns. And when used along with unpacking and dissecting the root issues in therapy, I have learned that I am capable of stopping myself from completely spiraling in self-loathing.
To whoever is reading this, I hope that you know you are worthy of it ALL. Yes– ALL of it! Who you are today is worthy of love and blessings. No need to get a fancier car, longer hair extensions, higher-paying job or a more toned body. You are worthy right now!
Worthy Affirmations
- I am deserving of happiness and joy.
- I am worthy of love just as I am.
- I do not need to be fully healed to be in a healthy relationship.
- I am worthy of nice things.
- I am worthy of the same love I so freely give to others.
- I am worthy of new opportunities, promotions and upgrades.
- I am worthy of the beautiful miracles coming my way.
Journal Prompts & Thoughts for Reflection
- What’s the first memory you have of feeling unworthy?
- Which situations recently triggered feelings of unworthiness? Take note of what was said/done and by whom.
- What would you tell a friend who is feeling unworthy? Speak to yourself with the same gentleness and grace.
- Write a list of 5 things you are good at. It can be cooking, singing or the fact that you’re a great listener.
- Which situations or activities make you feel your best? Do more of these things when feelings of unworthiness arise.
With love and light,
Kai
