For as long as I can remember, I believed in fairytales and Prince Charming. I believed that my soulmate was out there, desperate to find me. But after a few years of bad dating experiences, I no longer enjoyed grand love gestures. Even something as simple as flowers or a text expressing the person was thinking of me was a sign of love and was my cue to throw it all away and run. Get hurt for WHAT?! My knight-in-shining-armor was a man dressed in tin foil for all I knew.
As the year 2023 comes to a close, I am in a much better place than I was a few years ago. I am at peace with who I am and no longer need a man’s validation to determine my worth. Honey, I know my worth and am adding tax at this point!
I am in a loving relationship with a man who stops at nothing to bring a smile to my face. I went from being “Miss Independent; don’t need a man for a thing” to a woman that is able to be soft and allow a man to take care of her from time to time. What it took was the right man to show me with his actions (and not simply words) that he was there for me and had good intentions. It took a man that was patient with the wounds left by past lovers. It took a man that was in touch with his feminine side and had the capacity AND capability to validate my feelings instead of telling me I’m being dramatic. For this, I am grateful for the role my partner has played in my healing journey. I used to think I had to be fully healed to be in a relationship. In actuality, there were certain things I could only learn while being in a healthy relationship.
Throughout my healing journey I have learned so much. One of those things is that there’s no destination when it comes to healing. One day I could be fine, and the next, I am taking deep breaths after being triggered by an external stimuli. Grief and frustration come in waves. Although I am not a licensed professional, here are some general signs I have recognized within myself that are proof of healing:
- Ability to recognize patterns, habits and how past experiences affect how you show up in your current relationships.
- Ability to call yourself out and take accountability for your own actions.
- You experience discomfort or growing pains.
- You’re able to communicate your boundaries. Even if it’s difficult to enforce your boundaries, just getting used to communicating them to others is a sign of growth.
- You’re willing to let go of people and things that no longer serve you.
- The idea of dating an emotionally unavailable partner is no longer attractive or appealing.
- You’re learning to give yourself grace and know that growth isn’t always linear.
I hope that in your healing journey you don’t hold so tightly to parts of yourself that you’ve outgrown. I hope that you forgive yourself for choices that you made in the past– you did your best with what you had. I hope that you are patient and kind to yourself during the times when your mind tries to feed you lies. And above all, I hope that you give yourself the space and grace to just be. You owe it to yourself to live a life of authenticty.
With love and light,
Kai
